#WIPWednesdayI’m working on finishing Building on Broken Dreams, book three in the Brothers in Law series. I am having the biggest problem with deciding where to start the story. It is about brother Adam Kane and Maryam Avery. Maryam meets Adam after surviving an abusive relationship with Raad.
The relationship between Maryam and Raad feeds some important plot points, so I wanted to give background to readers without doing a bunch of flashbacks. This is from a chapter I put in the “extras” file, but I am considering starting the book with Maryam and Raad and have a couple of chapters with Adam adjusting to life as a new Muslim and trying to shake off some of the more shady parts of his past.
In this scene, Raad is waiting in a hotel for Maryam to arrive.
Excerpt
The phone lit in Raad’s hand. He answered, lifting it to his ear while staring at billowing white sails backed by greenish-blue water and marsh. “Where are you?”
“As-salam alaykum. I’m sorry. Traffic was horrible.” A surge of passion shot down his spine. Even her voice sent him spinning out of control. “I’m pulling into the parking lot now.”
“Room 345.” He disconnected and paced between the bed and window, fruitless in his effort to calm his beating heart and heavy breathing. He arranged to meet her to end it, but thoughts of what he would do to her infused his mind, clouding any ability to be rational. She was meant to be another conquest, just another notch on his belt. Instead, Maryam imbued his spirit. Before he knew it, he was professing his love for her. He meant it at the time.
His lips and fingers tingled at the prospect of caressing her and delighting in her brown tone contrasting against his ivory skin, enthralling his senses. In her arms, he vowed to marry and build an unattainable life. It was necessary. She was a Muslim woman. A fling was unthinkable, so he told her what she wanted to hear, and she became his.
Marriage to Maryam would be a disaster. Most of the family would probably shun them. Even the most tolerant ones would be selective about when she would be allowed to join gatherings. Her devoutness and kind spirit would not override her dark skin. Raad let out a heavy sigh and shifted his weight. He would not go unscathed being married to a Black American woman. The looks and jokes from inside and outside of the family would be plentiful. “Damn it. I have to stop thinking with my junk and break this off already.” There was a soft knock at the door. He bolted up and strode across the room, opening it.
Maryam stood in the hallway; her hands in the pockets of a berry long-sleeve maxi dress, she swayed her full hips, swinging her handbag over her shoulder. Her floral print khimar framed her prominent cheeks and soft chin. She was stunning. “You’re late.” He clasped her elbow, shut the door and drew her into his arms. She smelled as wonderful as she looked. He lifted her chin and pressed his lips to hers. Just one more time. I’ll end it after.
Note: Unedited
Catch up on the Brothers in Law Series.
Lyndell Williams 
Interesting scene sounds like trouble brewing
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I like it and it gives enough insight into Raad’s perspective and personality. Perhaps the 2nd chapter shows Maryam’s perspective and then third introduces Adam’s?
Thanks for sharing! *Warmest regards,*
*Leanna*
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Forbidden love… Awesome!
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Dee
#PMInc
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I love that you are sharing characters who aren’t typical in romance novels!
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Uh-oh! “One more time” can lead to “lots” more times!
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This snippet is fine in itself, but I don’t like it to start the book. I get the impression Maryam is your main character, so consider opening the book with her. Opening with Raad would give readers the feeling he’s the main character.
As for when to start, a rule of thumb is to start with the story problem. My guess the problem here is that the abusive relationship interferes with her ability to have a loving relationship, so you might start with a scene that shows the interference.
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Thanks for the advice. I know exactly how I want to start!
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A doomed relationship… love it
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Having a flashback chapter is not a bad thing. It gives the reader some complexity when reading. I think having the main character expressing her ambivalence about trusting anyone when she meets Adam is a good way to start. Then as we continue to read we learn of the relationship with Raad and its impact on her.
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